Thank you ‘Stilnox’. I actually experienced what most of you take for granted, a sound sleep till around 6am this morning. I have also discovered that this has to be the prescription that’s giving me mild headaches in the morning. Can’t win them all, ‘sleep’ or ‘headache’?, ‘good’ or ‘bad’?, ‘party all night’ or ‘hangover’? Why does yin have to accompany yang like an uninvited guest? Incidentally, did you know yin is cold, dark, passive, wet and feminine, and that yang is bright, active, dry, hot and masculine? I know a couple of people who are best described as yin, … I’m definitely yang, a yang who loves the rain! I can also confirm “Stilnox’ hasn’t caused me to sleep walk and go into a murderous rampage, but the side effects on my memory is shocking. I wouldn’t feel so slack about it, if it weren’t for the people around me reminding me that I had forgotten something, or I sit there struggling with names or events. A classic example was at French lessons, when the teacher held up a poster with well known faces and we had to introduce them in French. I got away by introducing Julia Gillard as the ‘woman in red’, and Barrack Obama as the ‘black president’. I’m hoping this is all temporary or just one unpleasant dream that I’m about to wake up from. Which sadly, I’ve made so many friends in this dream I’m going to miss them all.

When I was small my mother and closest aunties called me ‘fonu’ right up until they passed away, which in the Niuean language means turtle. The name fonu became so commonplace, that I just don’t think they knew my real name. My mother spoke the tiniest bit of English and being the eldest, I was her translator for a great deal of the time. She spoke to me in broken English, and I replied back in broken Niuean. The reason for being called fonu was never explained to me, so I’m wondering whether it was the way I moved when I was a hatchling. Or, perhaps there was no adequate translation for the name ‘David’ and they thought, ‘what the heck, lets call him turtle’. I would like to think, that it’s symbolic for being ahead or beating something even when it looks like the odds are up against you. Today, I snorkeled at Black Rock, Maui and came very close to a Green sea turtle. It must have been close to 5′ in length and glided past me en-route to the ocean. I could not even attempt to describe this experience. This will forever be one of the highlights on this trip.

Just a couple of tips on how to interact with someone like me. I do feel obliged to spell this out so people can stop freaking me out. I’m not trying to be cavalier about this, nor do I wish to offend, but I am working on an alternative secret Colonel Sanders recipe to get myself out of this bind. Unfortunately, this plan is very fragile and can all come to nought at the slightest suggestion of failure or negativity, even when naively offered. 1. I have cancer, not the common cold. Please stop telling me it’s going to be alright unless you know the definitive cure for Cancer. The doctors tell me that the disease reacts differently for everyone. I could be a nifty bag of garden fertiliser within 12 months, or I could be writing a book about how I beat this, fathered 10 more children, won the lottery and how I now appreciate cigars and pedicures. 2. True, I won’t have further use for my wardrobe and that this space will be available sometime in the future, but you will have to search and bid for this piece of real estate on eBay like everyone else. 3. Be prepared for a paternity test, if you’re hoping to turn up for a cut of the Insurance handout. You should know that Brad is not the sharing kind and is currently learning Brazilian Ju Jitsu, and I think he knows how to dish out guillotine choker holds now. 4. Any funeral directors touting for business will need to have a qualified dog handler with them. My dog ‘Dawgie’ has a bite worse than his bark. I am however interested in genuine, no corners cut, Viking Burning Ship Burials’ at Sea, quotes. 5. I AM trying to be positive, and it’s bloody hard when everyone keeps reminding me to remain positive. What I really need is an introductory course in Shaolin Monkism Meditation 101 (in 5 easy steps). If anyone knows where I can pick up the tapes for this, please let me know. I can pick up or arrange delivery at my expense. If it’s a book, make sure it has lots of pictures, preferably cartoons … my attention span is almost non-existent and I’m easily entertained. If the CD has music, ideally monkeys should be able to dance to it. 6. If you really want to cheer me up, I enjoy Chicken Laksa, Mud Crab, Crayfish, Pineapple Lumps, Tamarillos and Coffee from Bonjour Patisserie (Wahroonga). 7. If you think you’re beautiful then a hug would be warmly and immensely appreciated. Groping encouraged but not advised. Talk to you all again, laters alligators!

Unbelievable results today everyone, the cancer count has dropped. Yessiree, the numbers are on my side finally, this is the second drop, the pomegranate juice works, all that up, down, up, down, up, down on the dumb bell lifty thingy works, the meds probably contributed, the sleeping pills are useless, and having awesome friends definitely works. My mate Pete not only furnished me with accurate and detailed information about the songs Prince sang during his Australian tour, but he also left me a good book titled, “The Secret Language of your Body”. The book contained 230 pages of words that even my bi-focals struggled with, … and I’m not sure what drove Pete to even imagine I could cope with that, … and so I thumbed through to the pages that connected most with me, and I read those 6 pages over and over and over again. I was even more ecstatic when the doctor said, see you in 6 months time. This was my verbal assurance from the grand wizard (who also wore the coolest watch) that although Sydney had been issued with a severe weather warning tonight with the State Emergency Services on high alert, I can sleep well tonight and for the next 182.5 nights likewise. Those wild winds can blow the roof off my house, I’m still going to cuddle warmly under my blanket, content that everything can get better. I have been issued with a free Get Out of Jail card, and I’m bashing this one down on the monopoly table hard for impact. If the table breaks, who cares. I’m going back to the gym tomorrow to work on my pecs, eat bananas and drink gallons of protein shakes. I’m going to dream tonight about conquering Mount Everest, and if I forget my oxygen equipment, who cares! Adios Chichitos.

Yup, that’s a picture of the pristine waters at Hawaii, and also a great view of my perspective on life. While everyone was splashing around in the water, I was taking a keen interest on the small things. The little fish were almost see through, and if you stared long enough, you would see a colony of them, or is that a school of them. Interesting that the people who collected words for the first English dictionary associated groups of fish with the house of learning and academics. Don’t they only have a 3 second memory? And how the hang did someone find that out? I just love the way the Japanese come up with clever brain games, I like Sudoku a lot. I read somewhere that you need to exercise the brain with mathematical and IQ type games to minimise the incidence of memory loss. I’ve reduced my sleeping tablet intake to minimise my troubling memory loss, this has been worrying. Im also doing Sudoku puzzles, to kick start the neurons. Once this works, I’ll look for my keys again. Tomorrows’ a big day, I find out the next set of lotto numbers that determine whether life has been sweet. I had a shave tonight so that the oncologist would think I’m half decent, and I’ve laid out my clothes similarly to someone attending a job interview. I hope I pass! Good night sweetos almatomichios. More evidence I should have been in the printing industry when the dictionary was being put together.